Thursday, May 1, 2014

My Dad

Today is a new day and I'm trying my best to let go of situations I have no control over, no matter how hard I want to be in control, I'm not. 

My daddy has Stage 4 melanoma & Stage 4 colon cancer.  He is having a melanoma spot removed off his chest today and once that heals in about 6 weeks he can start chemo to prolong his life.  He can only do chemo on one type of cancer and his colon cancer has now spread to his liver so he will start chemo for colon cancer. He is currently doing radiation in Calhoun every day for 3 wks, he lives in Dalton so he's driving back and forth, I know he's sick, in pain, and he's tired, we all hate it for him.  His wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease years ago (at a young age) and he has taken care of her, her daughter, and her mother all these years.  None are able to take care of him, and he will not leave them.  He's always been a hard worker and provided well for them, he is now considered disabled and will never work again.  Just a lot weighing on my mind, I do okay until I talk to him and can sense in his voice the fact he isn't ready or willing to accept this. 

Wish there was a cure, but there isn't.  But, we can pray and prayers are greatly appreciated.  Thank you all for caring and praying for him.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Lonely Days

I read something yesterday about feeling alone and lonely.  It was about the life of a stay at home mom.  It really touched me, I thought I was the only mom that felt this way.  Never would I repeat that because of the extreme guilt I had for feeling that way.  When I made the decision to stay home with my twin girls, it was a tough one. I've always worked, I started my career 2 days after I graduated high school and I worked extremely hard to get to where I was.  Life seemed perfect, 2 kids, a girl and a boy, life was already busy enough it seemed.  I never saw it coming, it hit me like a ton of bricks, 2 more the same time?!!...unreal...still is. 

I dreamed of being a stay at home mom since my first baby was born, it just didn't work out to where I could.  Now that I'm here, I questioned it several times a week, is this it??  Is this what it's supposed to be like?  I'm surrounded by kids 95% of my day, yet, I feel like I'm alone.  It's not like this all days but for the most part, it really is.  The girls can't carry on a conversation with me yet, they talk of course, but I have no clue what they are saying.  After 12 long months, it seems the connection I've had with some friends has faded.  The fact I haven't had time or energy to commit to anything has taken a toll, that's hard to deal with for anyone.  I have to remind myself every day that a majority of my friends have their own life, jobs, & families.  My happiness is not for them to keep up.

The last year, I had several ups and downs.  Days would go by and I wouldn't leave the house or talk to anyone.  Sad, I know.  A few months ago, I decided that I had to do something.  I had to find my own escape from my lonely days.  Life has gotten easier though, I have found time to get away and have some "me" time.  Although when I'm gone, I do feel guilty about leaving my husband at home alone with the kids.  It's a tough job.  I know he can do it, but still, guilt exist. I started taking better care of myself, keeping in touch with my friends the best I can, trying to find happiness all while continuing to care of these sweet kiddos of mine.  Don't get me wrong, my family makes me extremely happy but I'm searching for happiness within myself, I haven't been happy with "me" for some time.  That may not make sense to anyone else but it does to me.

In the meantime, my daddy has gotten sick, very sick.  It makes me sad.  I appreciate all the prayers I can get for him.  He really needs them.

I wouldn't trade this life for any other, I love all my kids, they are my life, they keep me busy but I know they are worth it. 

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Family of 6

The babie are here!! It seemed like they would never arrive those last few weeks. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. Apparently I pulled it off very well, I had so many friends tell me that I made it look so easy (don't ask the hubster though, I complained the second I walked the door until I left the next morning). Now, had I been able to just come home, lay down and sleep maybe things would be different. I waddled around getting kids ready each morning, getting ready myself, I was exhausted before I even made it to work. If you talked to me, you would ask if I was okay because I could not breathe for the life of me.

That's all over now...Grier and Presley were born April 16, 2013 at 8:03 and 8:04 A.M. Grier weighed 6lbs 12oz. and Presley weighed 6lbs 13oz. Now, that's some big baby girls to be twins. That morning was one I remember very well...
I had never had a c-section, I was all for it when they scheduled it, the night before, different story. I could not go to sleep until 2:00am, we had to be at the hospital ready to go at 5:30am, that wasn't very smart. I made it to the hospital and got hooked up and the nurses started getting started on everything. I remember them taking me back to the operating room, at that point I realized how scared I was. I prayed, and I prayed HARD. I honestly don't think I've ever prayed so hard. I was scared for myself but mainly my girls, I just wanted them to be healthy. Thankfully, they are perfect. Ater they were born, the rest was a blur, I was pretty much out of it that day. If you came to visit, thank you! Lol! There were people in and out, friends, family, doctors, nurses,etc. I cannot brag enough on the care I received from our hospital,they had some of the best on staff during my stay.

We are home now, going on week 7, it's been extremely busy. Besides the birth, we've had recovery, dr appts, sickness, end of school year stuff, PreK graduation, t-ball, dance recital, and we managed to squeeze in a vacation to the beach. Needless to say, a schedule for us hasn't been top priority, how can I schedule with this kind of schedule? I've had some help here and there, lots of people have offered to help. I'm a little hard headed and stubborn and won't take any help until I'm absolutely desperate, and after that I will only ask family to help. I know our schedules are hectic and I wouldn't want to intefere with someone that is probably just as busy as me, plus, not sure when I can return the favor so I don't ask. Call me crazy, my husband does, Lol!!

Anyways if and when you see me out, pay no attention the fact I look like scum with no makeup on and wringled clothes, you're lucky I took a shower that day (at least I hope I squeezed one it). I post pics on Facebook here and there and you all give me some amazing comments, you just don't know how many takes it took to get one half way decent looking picture, haha!! After much thought and consideration, I've decided to stay home for now with the kids. My work was very understanding of this, I cannot be happier at the moment with my decision. It may be a short lived one, but we shall see. This family is worth every second that I can put my heart into it!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Grier & Presley

Our 2 precious twin baby girls, McKinley Grier & Presley Cate are doing great!! They both weigh 12 oz each and are set to arrive April 2013!! We are beside ourselves!!! They will be called Grier & Presley

Kayleigh is so happy about her sisters, she was overwhelmed, laughing with excitement. Poor Grant, he was a little bummed he won't have a brother but he's only 4 years old so that lasted about a minute, Lol! He promised he would still take care of his little sisters.

We still need prayers that the girls (& ME), we want them healthy and to stay in as long as possible. We also have tons of work to complete on our home to accommodate our growing family, pray we make it through it :)

Thursday, October 18, 2012

2 + 2 = 4

Did you read that title?! As the Hubster and I thought we were preparing ourselves to have a 3rd child, we went to the doctor, as we're about to see our newest little peanut we see not one but TWO!!! Yes, we are having twins!!!! We are very excited and blessed more than we can imagine!!!! Our other two kiddos are extremely excited (but are determined not to change a dirty diaper, lol!)! I'm not going to say the last 12 weeks have been the easiest but the sickness is going away, maybe the energy fairy will visit again soon?!  I ask for prayers for these babies, and prayers for this worrying momma here! I sympathize with everyone and their horror twin pregnancy, baby absorbed stories but please spare them for the next person, I seriously don't think I can hear another one.  Oh, and the next time I hear "better you then me" I'll tell you how much I agree with you :)

We are so excited and thank you all for your prayers, they are much appreciated!!!

I thank God for the many blessings he has given our family and the many more to come :) 

Friday, March 23, 2012

Time moves so fast....

Crazy busy...

So glad to say my little man is back to normal.  His voice has changed, drastically to me, others seem to think it's not that bad.  I cannot get used to it, I really feel quite horrible about it too.  The first few days after his procedure, we told him he did not have to talk in that "whiny" voice.  Well, soon enough we found out, that is his voice!! He actually sounds like a 3 year old :(  I have a sad face because I feel like a different child is speaking to me, crazy I know.  Since he was about 6mths old you could understand 80% of what he was saying, it only got better from there.  We were told so many times "Wow, he talks really good" and he's my little man, I loved to hear him talk.  Don't get me wrong, I still do, it's just taking some getting used to. He is sleep so much better :)  I will take feeling and sleeping good over any "whiny" voice.

I "mustache" a question- ever helped with a baby shower? My friends and I gave a baby shower to my best friends...that is a whole other post by itself and I can't wait to share.  I'm just waiting on the pictures that were taken to share.  It was a bow-tie and mustache theme, so darn cute :)

Had a Thirty-One Party, lots of fun and free stuff! I'm down for freebies!! Can't wait to get my stuff in and attend the parties of the lovely ladies that booked off mine and get another free bag! whoop!  If you've never heard of Thirty-One, check it out online...I have an awesome consultant I could hook you up with.

This town we live in is getting out of hand a little...makes me feel like I'm living in the big city.  Makes me sad, read our paper and it'll tell you all about the craziness going on.

This house...constant battle here.  Trying to figure out what to do next and we have got so many clothes.  Anybody else got piles and piles and PILES of laundry (and sock piles)?? I'm serious! I can't stand it, I wash and dry, wash and dry, and you problem (just like half of American women) is the folding.  I wouldn't mind it so much if I actually had room for all of the clothes.  I have officially decided build my new closet around my laundry room, I'm not lying.  So, if I start pinning the heak outta closets and laundry rooms you now know why.  Sorry Pinterest's about to start again.  I really feel bad for some followers sometimes b/c my pins show up like a mad women. 

On another note, we've been extremely busy.  Every single night this week we have had something to do.  It has finally caught up with my Kayleigh-bug.  She was sound asleep by 6:30 and she will sleep ALL night long.  She's been the best little girl this week, she's just growing up on me :(  My babies are sweet and I've learned this week that I've got to stop doing some things to be able to see how sweet they are.  I don't have a lot of patience, I try but I always realize it when it's too late (or when Josh points it out to me, which I can't stand, LOL).  My babies are 5 and 3 and they are both changing all the time, sometimes they act so grown up that I forget how young they are.  Does that sound crazy?  What I'm saying is I think I put more on them than I probably should.  Does a 3 yr old really know how to clean a room? brush teeth? Maybe...but not the way I do or the way it should be done.  They still need their momma :) Why do we realize things after the fact? Another thing, in public I catch myself over-reacting, or being too overbearing...weird how we change.  I guess I'm afraid they will run off, run into someone, etc...I don't know.  I find myself saying to myself, Christina, take a chill pill.  They are just kids.

Last but not least....I have made a huge life-changing decision.  I've prayed about it and God is in complete control.  I'm scared, nervous, excited, and every other emotion you could possibly think of, I'm feeling it. Please say a prayer for me on this.  There are some things in life you don't take lightly, this is one. Alrighty, I'm more mushiness going on here.

Have an awesome weekend my friends!